Mark Hammer

Personally, I don’t understand all of this “social media” stuff. I don’t know what “friending” is, and have looked at Facebook maybe 8 times in my entire life. I am “on” LinkedIn, but my profile probably has less information on it than if I was a sworn enemy of the state in a sleeper cell. I get LinkedIn requests, and if they’re from people I know and either don’t want to offend, or else don’t know how to reach electronically (or by any other means, for that matter – what the hell ever happened to phone books?), I accept them. If I don’t know the person and think maybe it was a whimsical request on their part that they’ll soon forget they made, I ignore it…but still worry I’ve offended someone. If there was a way for me to send them a simple e-mail to say “Sorry, but I don’t make use of this information”, I’d use it.

I get endorsements from people, for things I don’t consider myself particularly well-informed about, but I don’t know what that means or even if those things register unless I do something with the profile. I don’t now if anyone other than myself would ever see them, and I don’t really look at my page..or whatever you call it. I’d endorse them back…if I knew how, since I gather it was a compliment, and I appreciate that and would gladly reciprocate…but I don’t know how. Basically, I am your grandfather wishing the VCR would stop flashing 12:00 because it distracts from watching my recorded Murder She Wrote shows. My older son has directed me to a humorous site entitled “what the **** is my social media strategy?” that supplies impromptu fabricated bafflegab responses to the question. Maybe I need one of those. Do I have a “brand”? Probably not, so there is nothing to align.

Edmonton-based radio satire ensemble The Irrelevant Show recently had a wonderful sketch about LinkedIn, that depicted it as an on-line community for people who don’t know what LinkedIn is to get together: http://podcast.cbc.ca/mp3/podcasts/irrelshowsketches_20130620_43909.mp3

One wonders if the decision to accept an invitation should also be framed from the perspective of “Do I want this person to be exposed to potential phishing, should someone exploit my page?”. But then, like I say, I just don’t understand this stuff. I like phones with curly cords, talking to people, and actual paper books with spines. And why is it still 12:00? I thought time moves faster when you get older?