Do you have the Urge to Create, but have a Fear of Ambiguity?

Home Forums Acquisitions Do you have the Urge to Create, but have a Fear of Ambiguity?

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  LMTB4 6 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #142729

    Lauren Modeen
    Participant

    If so, how do you manage this? Does your fear take over? Or do you stare down ambiguity in the face and march straight towards it?

  • #142733

    LMTB4
    Participant

    I have not been on GovLoop in such a long time I’ve lost track. However, I read your Discussion post & it truly resonated with me! This is exactly how I feel. Right now, I’m not feeling well physically, but I must finish 4 jewelry projects in order to get a Jewelry Design & Repair diploma. I have extended the course 3 times & paid $75 three times to extend it. I don’t know if it’s possible to finish the 4 projects by the end of November. This is a correspondence course and I actually read, studied, & completed 18 Tests! However, the only reason I could get through 18 units of study & come out with a 96% avaerage was because the school kept sending me emails both encouraging me & with a hint of warning to stay on track. It worked! I have never gotten this far in a self-study course. In every other form of course or class, even Online, I am extremely motivated because of the interaction & encouragement. Well, ever since I completed all 18 tests & have gone on to the last phase of creating 4 projects to be graded; all email reminders & encouragement STOPPED (for emphasis). I even wrote an email to the school begging them to please pester me with emails to get me through the course. I also told them it was only because of their emails that I got this far. I usually just lose interest & never finish. I’m afraid that this is the case now. I’ve never used these tools before; in fact, I’ve never used tools at all, let alone jeweler’s tools. They sent me an email back stating: Someone as industrious as you are doesn’t need these emails! So, forget about Student Services; I just have written a panicky email to the Jewelry instructors. Yes, I have the urge to create, but I feel filled with fear that I will not do things right (I did do the 1st project, but found out that I did it all wrong; and now I have to do it all over again) which really bummed me out. I love the feeling of wanting to create something; but, when the actual steps to get there are laid out before me, that’s when the anxiety starts to kick in. It gets so bad sometimes that I want to abandon the project. I am a writer, and this problem does come up once in a while; but, compared to making something like a piece of jewelry (metalwork) writing is much, much easier for me. So, with the jewelry projects, I think about them day & night. But, it is very hard to stay off the computer; to sit down at my jeweler’s desk, & do something that is more difficult than I thought it would be; and, I guess that the progress is very slow compared to writing, and especially working on the computer. Ambiguity is the state of mixed feelings. When your feelings are always conflicting each other; it is often that you cannot take the 1st step in creating something; then, going back to continue with something (like beginning all over again); and then, finally getting yourself to finish something! I found out that people with ADD, like myself, suffer & wrestle with these dilemmas every single day. I need extra support, and I’m not getting any at all. Perfection also causes these feelings, like: “I want this to be absolutely perfect, or else, I won’t even attempt it.” Inside this person knows that they can never make something “perfect,” so yes, they actually never attempt the project. Another situation is the fear of failure. This is really getting me because I finished the entire 1st project only to realize I had done it completely Wrong. Now, I must start all over again. I think that I also want my projects to turn out perfect in order to keep my entire grade an “A,” because I have a 96% on the tests. Are you working on a project right now with which you are having these annoying ambiguous feelings? Even if you don’t, but are just thinking about starting something, why don’t we be buddies & help each other through this? One trick is to keep thinking I just have to get them done & not pressure myself on the workmanship because I’m naturally conscientious about these things. Let me know what project or projects you’re referring to.

    Laura

  • #142731

    Jay Johnson
    Participant

    The constant battle against the lizard brain (as Seth Godin would say); the best advice is probably to find the safest place to fail and then fail mightily. Otherwise you’ll never be successful, and you can define success in many ways. When you win, celebrate! Still stuck, find someone who is struggling and give them your support. It will come back to you at some point.

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