The Final Hoop – PANIC!

I’m teaching 7 classes this semester, so I have about 100 online students and 50 in the classroom. I’m writing a dissertation. I’m continuing other research – big news – PAR R&R. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I am involved in ridiculous amounts of service. And, this is the time of the year to apply for jobs, which, other than the dissertation, is the most time-consuming. I don’t like to just write a letter and then submit. I take my time – sometimes days on a cover letter. I spend a significant amount of time on the websites of the departments, and now, my desire to work for the federal government has come back stronger than ever. However, my bubble about a particular position totally exploded today when I was told that I’d be competing against internal candidates, congressional staffers, lawyers, and economics phds. The salary is amazing, but I’m worth it. I’ve worked 15 hour days for the past two years and have been able to balance it all. But, my fear, the lump in my throat and the feeling of panic in my chest won’t go away. Within 30 seconds today I spit out all of the reasons why the federal government would be making a huge mistake in not hiring me, and it sounded amazing. Most of all, I have a work ethic and dedication to every project I touch. When people hear about my life (even more than what’s above), their jaws drop – one girl almost started hyperventilating. I work hard because I love it, and because I love my family. I hope this panic goes away soon.

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