A #weeklyblogpost contribution.
Janet mentioned that she kept hearing women say they didn't want to stand out or speak or be on TV or in newspapers.
I do too. I am one of them. And it's unforgivable really. Veering towards the pathetic when you think I have no childcare issues to take into (quite correct) consideration. I am not tied to a location and am not afraid to travel and be rootless. I believe fiercely and passionately in certain things and I can be utterly relentless when I get the bit between my teeth about an issue I connect with.
So why don't I want to be an MP, or indeed a Councillor? Well, actually I do. In fact, more accurately, I did until a certain storm over mobile phone hacking happened. Because in order to be able to keep calm and carry on you have to have a certain level of resilience. Now I might come across as kind and fluffy and squee'ing around the edges but believe me I can be fearsomely cross if I believe it is justified. I will always concede if someone subsequently points out I've got the wrong end of the stick but I can more than stand up for myself thank you very much and if I think you're consistently being an arse, I'll just disengage entirely.
It's not that. It's the fear. The fear of spectacularly failing and being crucified for it - see Diane Abbot for recent reference. The fear of being seen to not somehow being a woman because to become an MP is to admit by default you are ambitious and thirst for power - things I don't identify with. I want to change a lot of things and am prepared to follow through on those things but power is merely a tool in order to do that, not something in itself to aspire to have. The fear of being visible is innate I think in a generation of girls brought up by parents to be seen and not heard. The fear of being unfashionable, of being ugly, of not being what people somehow expect of someone passionate and committed sits alongside this - comment on my brain all you like, call me an idiot and ill prepared or ill judged but don't ever comment on how I look - I will wilt. The fear that if I were to become an MP that somehow all the enthusiasm and determination would be sapped by successive and endless arguments, directives and spin, all the reasons I thought I should be there in the first place sucked out from my brain and replaced with drudgery and hopelessness.
And I know not whether I am alone in this but I am not prepared to do that. I am not prepared to risk it. I am not prepared to be crucified and I am not prepared to be mocked nor jeered for my looks or my clothing. I am, instead, drawn to working in places where intelligence is valued, where passion is cherished and enthusiasm wanes momentarily before flaring once again.
That is behind. So while I my voice may have joined the masses of women stepping back and letting them men play out in front, I believe that this is the best decision for me. This is not a path I should ever walk down.
However, I would like to ask every one of my female readers - what are your reasons? Do you really not believe vehemently and relentlessly that you could make a difference? Is it childcare or hours? Spotlights or political complications?
Essentially, I want to know - why are we under represented and can we complain if the answer is 'because we refuse'.