Unstuck: Leaders, Doubt, and the Path to Growth

There I was, listening to one of my team members, a seasoned leader with decades of experience, expressing frustration about being passed over for a new leadership opportunity. Their body language spoke volumes — shoulders were slumped, voice heavy with resignation. They were lamenting their seemingly slow professional growth. Despite their wealth of knowledge and proven track record, they felt stuck. Then, as if coming to a realization, they looked at me and said, “I think the problem is… I’m just too old for this opportunity.” I was speechless. Too old? Why would they even think their age was an issue? To me, they looked quite young. But besides that, I personally knew many older people who were thriving in similar positions — challenging norms, embracing growth, and achieving extraordinary things.

Feedback or Criticism? Interpreting Insights

Many leaders wrestle with self-doubt — those invisible barriers that exist only in our minds. These doubts often emerge from the relentless expectations we juggle daily. It can come from the intense scrutiny of peers, harsh team feedback, or constant pressure from leadership to meet high standards with limited resources. When we absorb these insights without reflection, we risk internalizing them as perceived limitations.

These self-imposed limitations can manifest in various ways. Sometimes we internalize those external factors as we’re “too old” or “too young” for those challenges, or that our qualifications aren’t the “right fit.” They even surface as decision paralysis, reluctance to speak up in meetings, or avoidance of high-stakes decisions. The danger lies not just in having these thoughts, but in accepting them as unchangeable truths.

Breaking Down Self-Imposed Barriers

So, how do we get past those self-imposed barriers? Start by identifying one “limitation” and challenge it with a concrete step forward — whether it’s applying for that promotion, speaking up in meetings, or pursuing additional training. Here’s what’s worked for me (and maybe it’ll work for you too):

• Own Your Story: Your experiences, skills, education, and knowledge — they’re not barriers, they’re part of your unique narrative. Own them.
• Focus on Growth: Instead of seeing where you fall short, concentrate on how you can develop and improve.
• Question Your Assumptions: When you catch yourself saying “I can’t,” ask “Why not?” and “Who says?” Challenge the source and validity of these limitations.
• Collect Evidence: Keep a record of your wins — big or small — and use them as proof to silence negative self-talk.

Ultimately, self-limiting thoughts are often just that — thoughts. They might whisper convincing arguments about why you shouldn’t take risks or pursue ambitious goals. By recognizing these thoughts for what they are — mere constructs of the mind — you can begin to dismantle them piece by piece. The next time you hear that inner voice listing reasons why you “can’t,” flip the script and ask yourself: “But what if I can?”

Adeline (Addy) Maissonet is a Procurement Analyst for the Defense Pricing, Contracting, and Acquisition Policy (DPCAP) within the Office of the Secretary of Defense (OSD), U.S. Department of Defense (DoD). She serves as a senior advisor on contracting policies and procedures and the agency’s representative on the Department’s views on proposed legislation to Congressional members, their staff, and committee staffers. Prior to her current role, Addy served as a Division Chief and Contracting Officer with unlimited warrant authority for the U.S. Army Mission and Installation Contracting Command (MICC) – Fort Eustis, Virginia. Addy holds an MBA in Management and Contracting Level III Certification under the Defense Acquisition Workforce Improvement Act. She is a graduate from Cornell University’s Executive Leadership Certificate Program. In her free time, Addy enjoys hiking and overlanding with her family and friends.

Note: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the Department of Defense.

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