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Recruitment 411: I Do, I Do…at work, that is

Here’s a question to mull over for a minute – who is your work spouse?

I’ll give you a moment to think about it, and I’ll be back.

Okay, I’m back.

According to Wikipedia, the term ‘work wife’ was coined in the 1930s by Faith Baldwin’s novel of the same name. Eighty years later, you still hear people talking about their professional partners.

I work in DC doing communications for the IRS Recruitment Office. My work husband, Eric, is in Atlanta and is the other communications specialist for our branch. Thank goodness we like each other, because I’m not sure I could handle a work divorce less than two years into the relationship.

Most real-life spouses check in with their significant other about activities or events in their personal lives. Eric and I share that same symbiotic relationship at the office. Whether it’s to vent and let off steam, talk about an assignment from our boss, get a second opinion on a document or ask for a simple sanity check, I know my work husband is a phone call away.

When I asked you earlier, you likely knew right off if you have one of these workplace marriages. If you didn’t, check out CNN’s Seven signs you might have a work spouse. The article also covers the pros and cons of such a relationship. For me – and Eric, too I hope – it’s the unwavering and continuous support our relationship offers.

Don’t get me wrong – like any marriage, we can also get pretty peeved with each other, which is normal, I expect. For instance, Eric’s latest “phase” is to copy and paste everything he types to me in our intra-office IM system. It feels like working with a 10-year old. Typical man, right? On the flip side, I’m sure I do typical “woman things” to annoy him. Like any good husband, he keeps those thoughts to himself.

During this Public Service Recognition Week, I salute my work husband and invite you all to pay tribute to yours. It’s these relationships which make our days go faster, our challenges less stressful, and our workload more enjoyable.

If you have a work spouse, how do you benefit from the relationship?

Recruitment 411 is the official blog of the IRS Recruitment Office.

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15 Comments

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Eric Erickson

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Andrew Krzmarzick

< DISCLAIMER > So I know the tone and spirit of this post is definitely fun and light…so hope this comment doesn’t rain on a parade or is taken as overly moralistic. Just throwing out another facet of the convo as it’s an interesting relationship here. < / DISCLAIMER >

My wife and I lead a retreat weekend for engaged couples, and we actually counsel them to steer clear of this kind of work relationship…something exclusive and more personal….reserving that type of thing only for their spouse. It’s a boundaries thing and keeps them from getting in trouble.

From an HR perspective, is this type of relationship an issue?

Jaqi Ross

It’s not hard to imagine folks who take work relationships to an unhealthy level, Andrew. The Wikipedia definition definitely contributes to the notion that some “work spouse” relationships are clumsy euphemisms for bad behavior.

The level of relationship Julie and Eric have falls well outside such suspicious territory. (I happen to know, because they call me boss… well, “Boss Ross,” really.) It’s definitely a topic HR should be concerned about, but the phrase that comes to mind is “employee engagement.” Numerous studies show that employees with a “best friend” at work (thanks, Gallup!) are more likely to display high levels of engagement. Having a colleague who understands your acronyms and knows all the key players you deal with can be a major component of being able to make it through a rough work day with your sanity and dignity intact!

Maybe we can come up with a govie alternative to “work spouse” that describes a healthy and connected colleague relationship…

Andrew Krzmarzick

Now that sounds like fun:

– BFFs = Best Fed Friends

– Gov Buddies

– Lovie Govie (oh wait, that one might cross a line, too 😉

I’ll let others chime in…

Carol Davison

People have affairs withthose they have contact with, whether at the office, church, soccer team, etc. Work spouse doesn’t necessarily imply anything inequitible but I know what Andrew means. Of course we must respect our significant others.

Carol Davison

and their significant others too. Its the treat others at you would like to be treated.

The last time a married man at work express interest I told him that adultery was cosmic treason against the sisterhood of women.

Debra Farmer

I agree with “Boss Ross” that you need a support network at work – whether it’s one person or multiple people – someone you can talk over “issues” who understands the work environment and perhaps the words “spouse”, “wife”, “husband” may raise concerns, especially for those who don’t know the real relationship (there are always people willing to make up stories). And the need to find another term for this relationship.

Peer/Work Advisor

Peer/Work Counselor



Phil Morgan

“Work Spouse?” Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me! Keep everything professional at work (i.e. treat all bosses, subordinates, and peers with dignity, courtesy, & respect), and there will never be any “misunderstandings.”

Deb Green

I have more than one work spouse, depending on the issue. I have one for technical matters, I have another for programmatic matters. I call them “work spouses” because they happen to be of the opposite sex, but if they were of the same sex, we’d just be “girlfriends” engaged in “shop talk.”

Tara*

I have friends in my office, but no one person who really qualifies as a work spouse. However, I do have a good friend, Gigi, who I work on film projects with and we have been jokingly calling each other “work wife” for a few years, but I never knew where the term came from. Now I do!

Eric W. Logan

“Danger, Danger young Will Robinson!”

Forgive the “Lost in Space” reference, but Andrew and Phil – Absolutely Right! ….” Mentor”, “Coach”, “Friend”, “Subject Matter Expert”, “Colleague”, …. all wonderful work relationships, but “Work Spouse” raises too many flags for me not to ignore …. if the relationship is “pure”, then let’s find a better name for it and be on guard when a work partner begins to feel more like a spouse…..

Janet Richardson

Oh, I agree with Eric… “Working Spouse” is a touch unsavory.

I have several SMEs – Subject Matter Experts – that I can go to for direction, blowing off steam, getting special projects done, advice, etc.

I don’t want to be so joined at the hip with one co-worker, male or female, that they become my spouse. It would deminish my own value and reputation.

Susan

“Work Spouse?” Makes me think of having to pick up more dirty socks, clean out more litter boxes, and ask if someone else want the last Diet Coke before I down it. Ally, accomplice, work fam — those work for me.

Jay A. Allen

Hmmmm. The IRS must have a slightly different definitions for ethical and moral boundaries in comparison to most Federal agencies. I would consult my Ethics and Diversity Office before replying….

Carol Davison

I understand what people mean in reserving the term spouse for the one to whom they have given their troth so as not to cheapen it. That absoluely makes sense. I am consistenly offended when words are stripped of their meaning.

However I’ve heard people use the term work spouse for years. They never meant anything unethical so please don’t assume any misbehavior when people use the term.