Whether you’re leading a small team or a large one, managing performance can be challenging. When a team member misses the mark, it can feel like you’re walking a tightrope — balancing honesty with empathy. But there’s a smarter, more effective way to lead: Coach, don’t criticize.
Criticism tends to shut people down. Coaching builds people up. The difference-maker? Emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) helps you tune into not just what happened, but why. It equips you to respond with curiosity instead of frustration — and to lead conversations that drive growth, not just compliance.
According to Harvard Business Review, 90% of top performers have high EQ, and emotional intelligence accounts for 58% of job performance. That means if you want your team to grow and succeed, you need more than technical skills — you need emotionally intelligent leadership.
Why Emotionally Intelligent Coaching Works
Think about the last time someone gave you feedback that helped you grow. They probably didn’t just call out your mistake — they guided you through it, helped you reflect, and showed you a better path forward.
That’s what great leaders do. They don’t just correct behavior; they develop people.
For example, let’s say a team member turns in a report with errors. You could say:
“This isn’t acceptable. You need to be more careful.”
Or, you could coach them by saying:
“I noticed a few things in this report that might need a second look. Can we walk through it together and talk about what might help next time?”
Same message. Totally different outcome.
3 Ways to Use Emotional Intelligence in Performance Conversations
1. Check Your Intentions
Before you speak, pause and ask: Is my goal to blame or to build?
That question alone can shift your tone and mindset.
2. Focus on Behavior, Not the Person
Criticism feels personal when it targets identity instead of actions.
Instead of: “You’re careless.”
Try: “I noticed some details were missed — can we explore what made that part challenging?”
3. Make It a Two-Way Conversation
Coaching isn’t a monologue — it’s a dialogue. Ask questions that spark reflection and invite ownership:
- “What part of this felt unclear or rushed to you?”
- “What support would help you improve?”
- “How do you think we can approach this differently next time?”
My Final Thoughts: Lead with EQ, Lead with Impact
People want to succeed — and as a leader, you should want that too. After all, when your team wins, so do you. But when performance falls short, how you respond makes all the difference. Leading with emotional intelligence doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations — it means having them in a way that strengthens trust and leaves everyone’s dignity, integrity and wellbeing intact, including your own.
So next time you’re tempted to criticize, take a breath. Ask a question. Coach instead of correct. Because real leadership isn’t just about managing performance — it’s about unlocking your team’s true potential.
And remember — it starts with you.
Carolyn Mozell is passionate about leadership and its transformative impact on individuals, teams, and organizations. As the Founder of Leaders Who Connect and Inspire LLC, she empowers nonprofit and government leaders to break down silos, unify teams, and achieve shared goals through impactful training programs and immersive retreats that enhance communication and emotional intelligence skills.
Carolyn has served in some of the highest levels of local government leadership across both the legislative and executive branches, as well as in roles as a nonprofit COO and entrepreneur, making her uniquely qualified to support leaders and teams at all levels, in navigating challenges with clarity, cohesion, and a strong sense of purpose.
Carolyn holds a bachelor’s degree from the University of Maryland and is a certified DISC and Emotional Intelligence Practitioner. Outside of work, she enjoys crafting, being a wife and proud pet mom to her adopted cat, Eva.
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