How Leaders Lose Trust in a Single Moment

Some moments in leadership reveal more truth than any 360-performance review. A dear friend of mine called me in a state of pure distress. They told me, “I just called my boss to let them know my brother died and they only asked me when I was going to send the report.” I truly couldn’t believe it. I just sat there not knowing what to say. They continued, “If I didn’t need this job, I would quit right now.” This showed how quickly a leader can lose trust, credibility, and influence the moment urgency replaces humanity.

When Pressure Blinds Leaders

Urgency has a way of convincing leaders that speed equals competence, which is why so many well‑intentioned people make their worst decisions in their fastest moments. Pressure narrows perspective. It turns a human conversation into a task list and a person into a deliverable. This is the moment when leaders must recognize that pace without awareness creates harm that takes far longer to repair than it would have taken to pause just a few minutes to acknowledge the moment.

Three Ways to Lead With Empathy When Urgency Screams Otherwise

Empathy in leadership gets a lot of lip service and very little practice. Here’s where to actually start:

• Ask one human question before any status question. When someone shares bad news, start with “How are you holding up?” or “What do you need right now?” That tiny pivot changes the entire emotional tone of the conversation. People will remember your first sentence far longer than your follow up.
• Separate the person from the workload. The report still needs to get done. That’s real. But the conversation about coverage and timelines belongs in a different moment, with a different tone, and ideally with someone other than the grieving person doing the heavy lifting on logistics. If the business talk is unavoidable, delay the conversation. Give the person enough space to breathe so the next step feels manageable rather than punishing.
• Follow up in a way that matches the gravity of the situation. The follow up is where credibility is either reinforced or lost. A thoughtful check‑in shows that the initial response was not a scripted reaction. It demonstrates consistency, which strengthens the relationship long after the moment has passed. Leaders who follow up well create cultures where people feel valued rather than managed.

Leadership is tested most in the moments that feel inconvenient. The leaders who slow down long enough to acknowledge the human in front of them build trust that outlasts any deadline. Urgency can force movement, but it can’t create commitment. Humanity is what moves people forward. And only the latter creates the ownership when the pressure returns.

Adeline (Addy) Maissonet is a senior advisor on contracting policies and procedures within the Office of the Secretary of War, U.S. Department of War (DoW) and the agency’s representative on the Department’s views on proposed legislation to Congressional members, their staff, and committee staffers. She leads the development and implementation of Department-wide procurement policies for commodities and services, within her portfolio. Prior to her current role, Addy served as a Division Chief and Contracting Officer with unlimited warrant authority for the U.S. Army Mission and Installation Contracting Command (MICC) – Fort Eustis, Virginia. Prior to joining the MICC, Addy served as a Branch Head for the Mid-Atlantic Regional Maintenance Center (MARMC), Norfolk, Virginia, with unlimited warrant authority. She also held other procurement positions with the U.S. Navy. Addy holds an MBA in Management and Contracting Level III Certification under the Defense Acquisition Workforce Improvement Act. She is a graduate from Cornell University’s Executive Leadership Certificate Program and Harvard University’s Business Analytics Certificate Program. In her free time, Addy enjoys hiking and overlanding with her family and friends.

Note: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the Department of War.

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